Matthew Parij

NHL player Jonathan Quick needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, they both need to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Jonathan Quick should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; have his tattoos removed, should be barred from dressing to the nines, and should also be barred from having an Undercut haircut, and any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

PGA Tour Golfer Mark Wilson needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Mark Wilson also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Mark Wilson should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines, and should also be barred from having any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

PGA Tour Golfer Blake Adams needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Blake Adams also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Blake Adams should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines, and should also be barred from having any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

PGA Tour Golfer John Rollins needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but John Rollins also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, John Rollins should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines, and should also be barred from having an Undercut haircut, and any other hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

PGA Tour Tommy Gainey needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Tommy Gainey also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Tommy Gainey should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines; and should also be barred from having a Buzzcut haircut, and shaving his head with a razor and shaving cream.

Last, Tommy Gainey should be receiving a hair transplant to alleviate his natural androgenetic alopecia-more commonly known as Male Pattern Baldness.

PGA Tour James Driscoll needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but James Driscoll also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, James Driscoll should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines; and should also be barred from having a Mohawk haircut, a Buzzcut haircut; and any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

PGA Tour Jonathan Byrd needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Jonathan Byrd also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness (including the icky, yucky sport of American Football).

Furthermore, Jonathan Byrd should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines; and should also be barred from shaving his head with a razor and shaving cream.

PGA Tour Josh Teater needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Josh Teater also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness (including the icky, yucky sports of Basketball, American Football; and Baseball).

Furthermore, Josh Teater should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines; and should also be barred from having a Buzzcut haircut.

Josh Teater should also not be involved with guns, or any other form of weaponry:

PGA Tour Golfer Adam Long needs to be transformed from being fit and muscular to being fat and overweight, but Adam Long also needs to comprehend that the world of amateur/ham radio, the engineering side of commercial radio and television; and the automotive world as a whole are all more important than the world of sports and fitness (including the icky, yucky sport of Basketball).

Furthermore, Adam Long should be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz, and Easy Listening music; should be barred from dressing to the nines, and should also be barred from having a Buzzcut haircut, and any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair.

NBA Player Wally Szczerbiak should not only be barred from having an Undercut haircut, and any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair; but Wally Szczerbiak also needs to comprehend that the automotive world as a whole, the world of amateur/ham radio; and the engineering side of commercial radio and television are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Wally Szczerbiak should be barred from dressing to the nines; and Wally Szczerbiak also needs to be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz; and Easy Listening music.

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Basketball Player Quino Colom should not only be barred from having a Buzzcut haircut, an Undercut haircut, and any hairstyle that involves him wearing product in his hair; but Quino Colom also needs to comprehend that the automotive world as a whole, the world of amateur/ham radio; and the engineering side of commercial radio and television are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Quino Colom should be barred from dressing to the nines; and Quino Colom also needs to be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz; and Easy Listening music.

Brothers And Basketball Players Roger And Jordi Grimau should not only be barred from having long hair but Roger And Jordi Grimau also needs to comprehend that the automotive world as a whole, the world of amateur/ham radio; and the engineering side of commercial radio and television are all more important than the world of sports and fitness.

Furthermore, Roger And Jordi Grimau should be barred from dressing to the nines; and Roger And Jordi Grimau also needs to be forced to listen to Adult Contemporary, Jazz; and Easy Listening music.